Thankfully this is a phone conversation...
Me: Hello, Kevin Branson, may I help you?
Loan Officer: Kevin. Hi, this is Linda.
Me: Hi, Linda! How are you doing?
Loan Officer: Um, not great right now. You know the appraisal report you completed for me last week, for that property on Smith Street that is under contract?
Me: Yes, I do. Is there a problem?
Loan Officer: Well yes, unfortunately there is a big problem. The loan committee has rejected your appraisal report. The comparable sales you used were too far away. They especially didn't like the sale you used way out on Brown Road. Kevin, that sale on Brown Rd. is in an entirely different COUNTY than the property you appraised! What was it, 30 miles away?
Me: Yeah, that's about right. Listen, I wasn't too crazy about using that particular sale to tell the truth. But I had to use it, if you know what I mean.
Loan Officer: Oh! Well, I need your help. The Loan Committee told me to ask you to find some comparable sales that are closer to the subject property. I mean, really, there must be another sale closer than the one on Brown Rd. It's thirty miles away for heaven sake!
Me: Linda, let me be perfectly honest with you. I HAD to use that particular sale in order to reach a high enough appraised value to meet the purchase price. If I don't use that sale, then the appraised value will come in way below the purchase price and that will blow the deal! And, yes, to tell the truth, there are closer sales, but like I said, if I use those closer sales I won't be able to get a high enough value.
Loan Officer: Well then just use the closer sales and appraise it at a lower value, whatever the closer sales indicate will be fine at this point. We just need a realistic appraisal from you.
Me: Linda, if I go back now and use those closer sales, well, that could really make me look bad, since I didn't use them in the first place. Do you understand? I really can't risk having two very different values out there. There would be no good explanation for that. So I'm sorry, but I can't do what you are asking me to do.
Loan Officer: Well we can't use this appraisal report as it is! It's no good.
Me: I'm sorry Linda, I really am.
May 10th